The Pirate and the Cowboy
by everythingisdragons
Summary: Alfred and Arthur are a pair of china dolls that have always been together, but a deal made with a wooden man on another shelf places the life they have always know in jeopardy. USUKUS.


The old cabinet was full of china dolls. There were figurines dressed as ballerinas and knights, wizards and vampires and vikings, and they were all arranged prettily on the dark, wooden shelves. All of the china dolls have their stories, but this one belongs to two figures dressed as a pirate and a cowboy. The cowboy had been called Alfred for as long as he could remember, and the pirate had been called Arthur for even longer. The two figures had stood on the shelf next to each other for many, many years, as the lady of the house had long ago decided that the two must never be separated. Fortunately, the two figures usually agreed with her.

Now, even though the pirate and the cowboy are the most important figures in this story, there are a few others that you should know about as well. There was Yao, a Chinaman with long hair and a stern demeanor, who had been in the cabinet longer than any of the others, so he claimed some measure of authority over them. There was also a wooden doll dressed in a long tan coat, adorned only with a long pipe and an eerie smile and his name was Ivan. The china dolls were frightened of him. He was always placed apart from them, so they never had a chance to speak to him. Even then, they still didn't want to come near him, because he was made of wood instead of china and his smile and pipe frightened them. Yao was one of the few that dared to speak to the frightening wooden doll, and even then, he did so very rarely.

One day, when the sun had gone down and the owner of the porcelain figurines had gone to bed, Yao approached Arthur and Alfred. The couple had been bickering about something insignificant, even has they held each other's hands. They were very devoted to each other, even though they were reluctant to admit it.

"Arthur," Yao addressed the pirate brashly. He was never treated with respect, even though he demanded it constantly. "Arthur, I would like to speak with you." He glared at Alfred. "In private."

"Very well," Arthur responded. He tried to behave as a gentleman, even if he appeared to be a rogue.

"No way!" Alfred proclaimed. He thought his status as a cowboy allowed him to be rude. "Whatever you have to say to Arthur, you can say in front of me."

Arthur and Alfred would have likely began bickering again, but Yao only rolled his eyes and continued with his message.

"All right. Arthur, I spoke with the wooden man about you. He is very lonely, and he thinks that you would make a good companion. As I am in charge of this cabinet, I agreed that you would become his friend. Tomorrow, you will begin spending your nights with him."

Arthur was so shocked by the sudden pronouncement that he could only stammer in anger. Alfred took his companions lack of speech as his cue to speak up.

"No! No way is Arthur gonna go down to another shelf and hang out with a scary wooden guy! We don't know anything about him! What if he hurts Arthur?"

"You are jumping to conclusions," Yao scolded. "Anyway, my word is final. This is the last night you two may spend together." With that final statement, Yao turned away, his ponytail swinging stiffly across his back.

Alfred wrapped his arms around Arthur, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. "I'm not gonna let you go, Arthur. What if that scary guy hurts you? I can't protect you if you leave me," he wailed.

Arthur tried to shove him off, to no avail. Alfred was too strong. He gave up with an annoyed sigh. "I don't want to go either, Alfred. If I leave, who will make sure you use proper manners and grammar?"

"Is that all you can think about at a time like this?" Alfred continued wailing. The other porcelain dolls were beginning to stare now, wondering what all the commotion was about.

Francis, a doll dressed like a Napoleonic soldier, approached the two at this point. "Pardon me, but I could not help overhearing your predicament. Perhaps I may be of assistance?"

"Shove off, frog." Arthur growled. The only thing that annoyed him more than Alfred was Francis.

"He's gonna take Arthur away from me!" Alfred told Francis, crying the whole time.

Francis stared at them in surprise. "Who wants to take Arthur from you?" Francis asked.

Alfred pointed in the direction of the wooden man. Arthur took advantage of Alfred's relaxed grip to break away from him.

"I don't want to go." Arthur said, straightening his coat with a huff.

Alfred sniffled and reached for Arthur's hand. "I don't want you to go either."

"I don't want fair Arthur to go either," Francis said with a laugh.

Arthur whirled to face Francis. "I told you to shove off, so shove off! Alfred and I need to discuss this privately."

Francis was indignant at his rejection, but he knew better to push the issue, so he left for a different part of the shelf to bother his friend the matador. Now that Alfred had quieted a little, the other figurines began to return to their usual nightly activities, while the pirate and cowboy tried to discuss their future.

"I don't want to go," Arthur said angrily. "I don't want to be friends with the wooden man. He's not like us."

"No, he's scary. Really scary. And if he comes near you, I'll karate chop his head off!" Alfred let go of Arthur's hand to demonstrate a few karate moves.

Arthur slapped away Alfred's hand when he moved too close to him. "No, you shan't. He's made of wood, and you're made of porcelain. He'll break you into little pieces before you even scratched him."

Alfred pouted. "That's exactly why I have to keep you away from him. What if he breaks you?" He tackled Arthur in a hug again, trapping the other's arms within his embrace.

Arthur struggled against his companion. "Yes, and what if your affection breaks me? You know what happens when we break."

Alfred loosened his grip on Arthur but still refused to let go. "I won't let that happen. I'm gonna protect you, remember?"

Arthur tried to shove him away again. "Let me go, or I'll use my cutlass on you!" It was an empty threat, but Alfred released him anyway.

Alfred settled for gripping Arthur's hand again. "But Arthur, what are we going to do about you and that scary wooden guy? I can't let you go with him."

Arthur sighed and gently patted Alfred's hand. "Don't worry, idiot. I have no intention of leaving you. We'll just leave. Together."

Alfred's eyes widened. "Leave? You mean, you want to leave the cabinet?"

Arthur shrugged and glanced away. "If I had to choose between leaving the cabinet or leaving you, I'd choose to be with you any day."

Alfred smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, really!" Arthur almost shouted.

Alfred hugged him again. This time, Arthur hugged him back. When the two let go of each other, Alfred took a few bold steps toward the edge of the shelf. Arthur followed him.

"No time like the present then, right, Arthur?" Alfred asked.

Arthur nodded and began looking for a way to escape the shelf. He decided that the best way was to climb down the edge of the cabinet, and he told Alfred so. Alfred disagreed just for the sake of disagreement, and the two of them bickered for a few minutes before Alfred finally conceded that Arthur was right. The other figures in the doll cabinet ignored the squabble, as their arguing was a regular occurrence.

Once the two finally ended that argument, Alfred insisted on leading the way down, to make sure the way was safe for Arthur. Arthur disagreed with that proposal, and they wasted several more minutes arguing. In the end, Alfred won that argument, and the two began their descent to the floor, Alfred leading the way.

"Stop fooling around, idiot! You're going to hurt yourself!" Arthur hissed down to Alfred as he began his own descent, keeping his volume down, so as not to attract the attention of the other figurines.

"There's no way I'm gonna fall! I know what I'm doing, so stop worrying!" Alfred shouted up to him while attempting to show off his climbing skills.

Arthur rolled his eyes. Alfred may as well have announced their escape to the entire cabinet for all his racket. Sure enough, a glance upward showed Francis and his matador friend staring over the edge of the self, watching their escape.

"Arthur, what are you doing?" Francis shouted down to them.

"We're escaping, duh!" Alfred responded for him.

Francis stared at the two for a moment before he could respond.

"If you are leaving, then may I have your spot on the shelf?"

His shouts attracted more figures looking over the edge to watch the escapees. By this time, both Arthur and Alfred had reached the floor. Arthur ignored Francis in favor of Alfred.

"Now what should we do?"

Alfred never got a chance to respond to him because several of the figurines on the shelf began to raise a general commotion.

"Look, they're escaping!" Said one.

"What are they going to do?" Asked another.

"Aren't they afraid that they will break?" Another said nervously.

"What is going on?" Yao's voice sounded above the others. Several voices answered at once.

Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand and tugged him away from the cabinet before anyone could take notice of them again. It was mostly dark in the room, only the light from a streetlight outside shining through the windows, but even that wouldn't hide them for long.

"Were are we going?" Arthur asked as they ran.

"Dunno! We're just gonna hide until things quiet down," he said as the two ran across the room, Alfred leading the way. They could still hear the commotion caused by their companions, so they both looked for a place to hide. Alfred, quiet for once, pointed to a nearby wooden box. Arthur, not disagreeing for once, followed him. The two figures quickly climbed the sides of the box, then dropped inside.

Tiny slips of light came through the cracks in the box. Alfred took Arthur's hand and squeezed it tight. Arthur smiled and patted Alfred's hand with his spare hand, while waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark.

"Look, visitors!" A voice came from the darkness.

Alfred jumped and made a terrified squeak. He wrapped his arms around Arthur in fright. Several more voices came from the darkness, wondering about the new arrivals.

"Who's there?" Arthur asked bravely while trying to disentangle himself from Alfred.

A girl with long blonde hair and a ballerina dress stepped into the light only to glare at them. "Who are you?" She asked roughly.

"I'm Alfred, and that's Arthur, if that's what you mean," Alfred said, unnerved by her directness.

She scowled, then poked Arthur's chest and took Alfred's cowboy hat.

"You don't appear broken," she said finally.

Alfred tried to snatch his hat back, but the girl pulled it away. "We're not broken. Why would we be broken?"

She snorted. "This is where all the broken dolls end up. Didn't you know that?"

Arthur and Alfred glanced at each other. They both knew that sometimes figurines were broken. There were made of fragile porcelain, it was a fact of life for them. They knew that some of the broken figurines had been damaged beyond repair, and as such, were never seen again. It had happened many, many times before. Some dolls had been repaired afterward, but they always came back more fragile and with some part of their personality changed, and were often shunned by the unbroken dolls in the cabinet. Many of the figurines on the shelf regarded this as a fate worse than death. Now, the two realized that they had stumbled into the home of the broken dolls.

The ballerina looked at them again. "No, you're not broken. What are you doing here?"

Arthur and Alfred told her, interrupting and speaking over each other, as was their fashion. She gazed impassively at them the entire time.

"You're not welcome here," she said finally. "You aren't like us. And you should be grateful that you're not broken and stuck in this box." Her gaze hardened. "And how dare you judge the wooden man for being different than you. He used to live in this box, you know, and he was a good man!" The girl's voice rose in pitch as she finished her statement, and Alfred and Arthur edged away.

"All right, then, we'll be going. Pleasure to meet you." Arthur bid the woman goodbye, managing to snatch his hat back before the two climbed out of the box.

As they escaped the box of broken dolls, the two could still hear a commotion coming from the china cabinet. Alfred and Arthur both glanced in that direction.

"What do you think is going on?" Alfred asked, curious.

"How should I know? Idiot." Arthur glared at him.

"There they are!" Someone from the cabinet shouted at them.

"Good! I'll go after them!" Yao's voice rose above the rest.

The other members of the collection shouted concern and advice to Yao, while Alfred and Arthur began running across the room again, dashing from under one piece of furniture to behind another. Finally, they reached the fireplace.

"Are you sure about this?" Arthur said, his voice skeptical.

"Sure," Alfred said as he smiled widely. "Nowhere to go but up!"

Arthur made an annoyed noise, but he didn't disagree with his companion, so the two began climbing the uneven surface of the bricks. As they began their climb, they heard a loud crash from the room behind them.

Alfred gasped. "What was that?"

"It sounded like someone fell. Maybe it was Yao?" Arthur suggested.

Alfred's eyes were wide with fear. "Do you think he's all right?"

"How should I know? Maybe it wasn't Yao; maybe the cat knocked some plates from the dish cabinet again." Arthur amended his suggestion when he saw the fear in Alfred's eyes. They both knew how serious it was for one of the figurines to be broken.

"Ha, you're probably right," Alfred attempted to laugh off his fear, but they both feared the worst. However, now there was nowhere for them to go but up the chimney. As they continued to climb, the night sky above them seemed less dark and frightening, and more dusky and welcoming. More and more stars became visible as they climbed, which Alfred was eager to point out. Arthur tried to be grumpy and stern with his lover, but found it difficult to discourage his look of wonder.

Finally, the two reached the top of the chimney. Both gazed out at the town surrounding the house, taking in the world around them. They were finally free. The two reached for each other's hands, in awe of the strange new sights surrounding them. They could see the lights of the city below them, as well as the stars above, and they marveled at both.

"Do you like it?" Alfred asked Arthur, his voice soft for once.

"I do," Arthur replied.

Alfred hugged him. "No one can ever separate us when we're up here."

Arthur smiled and returned the other's embrace. A gust of wind tugged at their clothes and would have blown Alfred's cowboy hat away if he hadn't gripped it at the last moment. Arthur laughed at him, securing his own hat as he did so. The two clung to each other until the wind died down.

After several moments, the two china figures sat on the edge of the chimney. Alfred gazed up at the stars in wonder, while Arthur scowled at the city surrounding them.

"Isn't it amazing?" Alfred asked, still enraptured by the stars.

Arthur followed his gaze, smiling at Alfred's enthusiasm. "Yes, I suppose it is."

Alfred looked down from the starts to turn his smile on Arthur. "You know, I'd give you the whole world and every star in the sky, if I could."

Arthur smiled and wrapped an arm around Alfred's waist. "Idiot. I already have the whole world."

Alfred embraced him in return, and the two stayed like that for a while, enjoying the starlight and each other's company.

"Maybe, maybe it's time for us to go back?" Arthur suggested finally. Daylight was drawing near, and he knew that their owner would miss them if they were gone.

Alfred stared at him, surprised. "What do you mean, go back? We came all this way, and escaped from the crazy wooden guy, and you want to go back?"

Arthur sighed and looked away from his lover. "Alfred, it's a dangerous world, and we're very fragile, you know. If we go down there," he paused, gesturing at the streets below them before continuing. "Anything could happen to us. I don't think I could stand it if you got broken."

Alfred shook his head. "No. Please, no. I'd rather be broken than separated from you!"

"Alfred, if you get broken, we'll be separated, no matter what. Idiot." Arthur reminded him. "And even if Yao forces me to be friends with the wooden man and spend every night with him, we'll still be together during the day."

"Yeah, but…" Alfred trailed off, tears gathering in his eyes. He hugged Arthur close, burying his face in Arthur's coat to hide his tears. Arthur stroked Alfred's hair, trying to comfort the other.

"I'm sorry, Alfred. Darling, you know it's the best we can do."

Alfred sobbed. "I don't wanna lose you, Artie!"

"I don't want to lose you either," Arthur said softly, for once not minding the silly pet name Alfred called him. As he attempted to calm his lover, a bit of determination shot through him. "Alfred, stop crying. We'll go back, and we'll be safe in the cabinet, and we'll tell Yao that I won't be friends with the wooden man. We won't let him tell us what to do anymore."

Alfred raised his head and wiped his tears away. "Really?"

"Yes, really. After all, I'm a pirate. We don't take well to authority!" He smirked at Alfred.

Alfred cheered and hugged Arthur even tighter, his tears forgotten. Arthur allowed the embrace for a few moments, then the two began their climb back down the chimney. As they climbed down, they encouraged each other by imagining what they would tell Yao, and how he would react. When they reached the bottom of the chimney, the two took each other's hands before they left the shelter of the fireplace. They could see dawn breaking through the window, shedding light on the room before them.

Arthur gasped. "What happened?"

Several of the figurines lay scattered across the floor, some broken.

Alfred looked horrified. "Are they dead?"

"How should I know?"

The two picked their way across the floor. Most of the china dolls were only missing an arm or a leg, or were now a little cracked. Francis appeared before them, startling them.

"Bonjour, mes amis! Where have you been?"

The two shied away from him. "Francis! What happened to your face?" Alfred asked, trying to avoid looking at the crack running down Francis's once beautiful face.

"What happened to your arm?" Arthur asked, staring with concern at Francis's empty sleeve.

Francis waved his remaining hand, ignoring their concern. "After the two of you disappeared, the entire cabinet became chaos! We fought each other valiantly, all over what we should do about you. It was just like the Revolution again!"

"You never fought in a revolution," Arthur reminded him sharply.

Francis continued his story. "Most of us will be fine. Yao came out the worst. He is completely broken, perhaps beyond repair." He paused, letting the impact of his words settle. "I suppose someone might call that karma, no?" He flounced away after his last statement, leaving Alfred and Arthur alone.

"Now what are we supposed to do?" Alfred asked Arthur.

Arthur shrugged. "Yao can hardly tell me to go off with the wooden man in his condition. Perhaps we should just wait to see what happens?"

Alfred sighed. "I figured that. I mean, do you think we should head back up to the cabinet, or stay on the floor? The lady of the house might think it's weird if we're the only ones on the floor that aren't broken, but she might think it's weird if we're the only ones left on the shelf, right?"

"I hardly think that matters, Alfred."

Alfred wrapped an arm around his lover. "Either way, I don't think things will ever be the same around here ever again."

* * *

Alfred was right, for once. When the lady of the house had discovered the many broken figurines, she had blamed the destruction on the cat, then spent many days and nights fixing her collection. The china dolls with the least damage, such as Francis and the matador, rejoined Arthur and Alfred on the shelf first, much to Arthur's annoyance. The rest of the dolls were repaired slowly. While the dolls were being repaired, no one showed any desire to speak to the wooden man, which was fine with both Arthur and Alfred. They had no desire to be split up, after all.

After a very, very long time, all the figurines which had originally lined the cabinet were back in their usual places. The lady had even been ambitious in her repairs, and fixed many of the dolls that had been left in the box near the cabinet. If the ballerina was happy to see Alfred and Arthur again, she didn't show it. Yao, being the most destroyed of the bunch, was the last one to be repaired. The lady placed him on a different shelf this time, next to the wooden man. No one dared to remind Yao of his promise to make Arthur and Ivan become friends, but as Yao spent more and more time with the wooden man, the relationship between the two developed more and more, until the other members of the cabinet referred to them as friends, or even compared their relationship to that of Alfred and Arthur's. Yao would deny it, but Ivan would smile and laugh before gently wrapping an arm around his companion.

As for Arthur and Alfred, they were happy that they would never be split up. The continued to stand next to each other in the china cabinet and bicker and hold hands for a long, long time. They loved each other very much, and continued to do so for many years, until both were broken to bits.

* * *

 **A/N: Originally written for the USUKUS Twice Per Year's collection of Non-Disney Fairytales and based on Hans Christian Anderson's story "The Shepherdess and the Chimney Sweep." Not ashamed of sneaking Rochu in at the end, not one bit. The ballerina in the box is supposed to be Belarus, but I'm not sure if I made that clear enough.**


End file.
